Howard Iken's 3 Day Action Plan for Spouses Served with Divorce Papers

First, let me say that the Internet contains a lot of great information about divorce. You do not need to look only to Nebraska websites to find useful nuggets of information. This 3-day Action Plan, for instance, developed by Howard Iken, a Florida divorce attorney, is relevant to anyone experiencing a divorce, regardless of where they live. However, I do have some comments to share, which I will insert in relevant places throughout the article.

You Were Served Divorce Papers? A 3 Day Action Plan by Howard Iken

Copyright 2005 The Divorce Center P.A.

Today

• Don't panic - best decisions are made with a cool, calm head

• Sit down, relax, and read the divorce papers several times.

• Don't call your spouse in anger - no contact is best for now.

I would just add - Do not ignore calls from your spouse. She/he may be calling with important information, such as arrangements for child support, paying bills that are immediately due, etc. Also, if you absolutely need to contact your spouse, it may help to have a friend or relative with you for emotional support - not to argue with or yell at your spouse, but to help keep you calm. Regardless of who calls whom, keep it short and to the point, and DO NOT ARGUE.

• Read up on divorce - knowledge always helps take the fear away.

• When you finish the above steps, take a short break and then read all of the divorce papers again until you thoroughly understand what is ahead.

• If you have children, do not draw them into the conflict. This is best for your children and will put you in the best position to win custody.

Do not blame your spouse for anything, and do not let your friends or relatives bad mouth your spouse around the children. When your children ask about the divorce (and they will), give them lots of reassurance, but don't make promises you may not be able to keep (e.g., "Don't worry honey, you'll stay with me").

• You have 20 days from the date you received the summons to send an answer.

In Nebraska, you have 30 days to file an answer.

• If possible, take tomorrow off and devote some thought to the situation.

Tomorrow

• You must decide if you will represent yourself or hire an divorce attorney.

• If you want an attorney, start calling and find one that you like.

• If you are a do-it-yourself person, continue to read about divorce for 7 more days. You have almost two weeks to act and you must become well informed.

• Review the location and amount of all your assets. If possible, remove money from the bank and put it in a place of security. Do not deprive your spouse of necessary funds to live on. That could backfire on you.

This is VERY IMPORTANT. In fact, you should start doing this before you are served if you even suspect your spouse is going to file for divorce. The other party will frequently take items of value with them, and it can be easy to lose track, particularly if the items are small, such as figurines or baseball cards. If your spouse takes certain items and sells them, and you have not kept a record of all of the items, you have essentially awarded 1o0% of the value of those items to your spouse.

• Review your credit cards and any other sources of credit. If possible, cancel cards that are joint accounts or remove your spouse's name from the card.

HOWEVER, keep your own needs in mind while you are doing this. If you need money to retain an attorney, or to pay rent or buy food, your best option may be to take a cash advance against the card, even a joint card.

There are two reasons you may not want to cancel that joint card. First, the concern here is that your spouse may run up charges on a joint card and try to stick you with the bill. In Nebraska, a party can be held liable for those debts incurred for his/her own benefit not only after the marriage but during the marriage. Since today's credit card statements are fairly detailed, you should be able to show in court that the other party ran up charges on the card and should have to pay those charges themselves.

Second, it may be difficult for you to access new credit. If you are unemployed, or if your credit is at the limit, you may not be able to take on new unsecured debt, and you will not be able to take loans against property on which your spouse is also named without her/his consent. Instead, keep thorough track of all your uses of the card, and immediately question any transactions with which you were not involved.

• Speed is your best tool - be thorough and act today.• Go into conservation mode and build a rainy day fund. You may soon need it.

• Begin to collect all records of assets, amounts owed, property, deeds, and family business records. If you are in the marital home, keep the records in a more secure place, like with a trusted friend.

The alternative, of course, is to change the locks so that your spouse doesn't have access to the home. If you take this route, don't forget to change the setting on the garage door opener and the keycode on any keyless entry systems.

• Call the IRS to find out how to request copies of the last 5 years of tax returns - if you don't already have them.

Next Day

• Continue your education. This is one of the biggest and most important projects of your life. Read books and attend seminars. Become an expert.

• Make a financial plan or a household budget for the next 12 months. Don't spend unnecessary money.

• Get a notebook and a holder for paperwork. Set up a central collection point for all the information you gather during your divorce. Keep a detailed diary and jot down anything you learn from your educational efforts.

I cannot stress the importance of the detailed diary enough. It is very hard to reconstruct conversations and events even a few months down the road. Start off by writing down every event and conversation of importance that you can recall. Then write down new events and conversations while they are fresh in your mind. Your notes can be valuable tools in the hands of your attorney.

Remember, you are not powerless. You can take control of your divorce and protect your interests.